That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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