Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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