there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i need some magic done to my vagina
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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