the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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