my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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