just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
