sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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