Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize