I seem to have left my pride at pride
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize