I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
