i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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