we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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