I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
