Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I am naked and annoyed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
