She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
