so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
