So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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