Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
