You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
