So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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