My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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