you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize