I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
foreskin is a definite game changer
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
