Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just cropdusted the office
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
