I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize