I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize