Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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