Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
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