on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
