I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
