ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
