thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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