Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
