I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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