She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Less talking, more tequila
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Randomize
