8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
