what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
