an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
