slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
