the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
