I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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