I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
