And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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