The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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