We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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