He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
