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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So many bounce houses so little time
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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