I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
