Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
