i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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