I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
