I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
