Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
