you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
