we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
