is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
