Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Can Purell be used as lube?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
