i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
