the new term for farting is butt boxing.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize