some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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