I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Randomize
