I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
