If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
