hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
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