I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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